The follow-up to their 1990 debut 'Colossus' and released a full 27 months before they found fame aboard the Britpop bandwagon with 'Trilobite', these eight tracks showcase the Halifax fourpiece at their most credible and least talented. If you don't own this album, you're a complete fucking idiot. If you do own it, you're an even bigger complete fucking idiot. But if you don't own it, you're a complete fucking idiot. Discographicalz Colossus (1990) Playing Shit (Live, Bootleg, 1991) Calamine 71 (1992) Trilobite (1995) Bring the Canard (1997) What we did was what we done (Compilation, 1998) Trilobite 2000.3b (2003) The Flaccid Harmonicans fuck off (Compilation/live/rarities, 2004)          

A modern, postmodern, postclassic album by any definition, everybody knows somebody who hasn't heard German Scheisserock band Participle 's debut 'The moment of completion', from 2016. Not one, not two, not three, not even seventy-three, but sixty-eight full minutes of pure, unadulterated hardcore bongodongle. Jens Großerball's uniquely compelling purple synthesiser shines through like a wasted tomato. Running time: 63 minutes. Discographicalz The Moment of Completion (2016) Much Wickedness (2019)

No hypothetical vinyl collection would be complete without this Jazz standard from 1958. What happens when you get a 23 piece big band in the same studio as a 27 piece swing band, 30 session musicians and a single microphone? This. This happens. Legend has it that any Jazz musician alive in the late 1950s who didn't play on this recording is either lying, mistaken, or not alive in the late 1950s. At one point there are 37 trumpets, 12 clarinets and an Absinthe-filled double bass, all playing concurrently and all in different keys and time signatures. The standout track is the Marimba solo 'Cool Cheese', possibly the only solo in history on which over 100 people played and three lost their lives. Classy.

If you're aged anywhere between 36-and-three-quarters and 37, the chances of you not having this album in your collection are practically nil. In 2004 it was possible to form a band without instruments, without words, without music. Even without band members. All you needed was a name, and that name had to be a single syllable plural, preceded by 'The'. This formula guaranteed success on both sides of the Atlantic and even beneath it, and so it was for The Cocks whose only studio album lasts a mere 27 mindblowing minutes, though this was only slightly shorter than the duration of their career which saw an acrimonious split before the record was even released. Brothers Gary and Owen Frottage later had modest success in Scandinavia with their new outfit, 'The Dicks'.

The second and final album of Cheeseman, Ohio native Amanda Fish before her untimely death in 1978 is an oft-overlooked acoustic masterpiece. More poignantly, every track appears to foreshadow in some way the trousers-related accident that was to follow just three months after its release. Songs such as 'I'm definitely going to die within the next few weeks, honestly', and 'That inner seam doesn't look right to me, and I have a terrible feeling about it' may come across as outdated or irrelevant to todays musical palate, but that is to miss the point entirely. Best listened to with the volume right down. And ones trousers. Personal Recollectionz by @lolbertz "The Amanda Fish obituary in the Financial Times was very special indeed. 'Frankfurt on alert as DAX plunges 30 points' it read. Marvellously oblique. My copy of this album on cassette is soaked in urine. Absolutely drenched, it is. These days she's probably most famous for dying, and for he...

'We recorded this album', said ToDs Julian Ferris-Phatson upon its release in 1982, 'so that nobody would ever have to listen to it. Ever.' A bold claim for sure, but then this is a recording that makes many bold claims in its own right. Indeed the second track on side five of the triple vinyl set is called 'Bold Claim'. As is, confusingly, the first track on side six. The Table's eighth album and third of their infamous electro-prog-gothic-gospel-funk phase, this was their final release before the departure of 3'6" bassist and founder member Isaac Lark to form the Bold Claimants. A rare and previously unreleased 'side seven' finally surfaced in 2000, while Table of Drops continue to tour to this day, albeit with cellist Sunita Bee the only surviving member from their 70s heyday, and given her legendary reluctance to perform with other musicians, the shows consist primarily of solo cello music entirely unrelated to the ToDs back catalogue. P...

Of all the bands to ride the Britpop wave of the mid-1990s, few are regarded more uniquely than Mexborough janglers Cashpoint , represented here by their 1996 offering, the enigmatic 'Pigs of Idiom'. Eager to avoid the problematic 'second album syndrome', Cashpoint very wisely skipped straight to their third, and in the process created an uneven masterpiece that raised more questions than it answered: Why are we here? Why do we ask why we are here? And how many trombones is it possible for one man to play concurrently? While Jimminy Plint's guitar work is less consistent than on their debut and drummer Ron Kegg's barbituate habit is very evident on tracks like 'Limeater' and the closing 'Murdered like the dead', this is nonetheless a record that both captured the mood of the era and questioned the fact that it did.   The band continued to tour into the mid-2000s, but bassist Mike 'The Bike' Pichaels was the only survivor from the original...